When I was 11, my mother sat me down for the talk. It was time to prepare her young daughter for the woman budding inside that awkward, undeveloped child body. She told me how I was growing up, and she explained about periods, what I should expect, and that they were one of the things that made me different from men. Some day, she said, thanks to that change in my body, I would be able to become a mother, myself. When I finally started my period, I was very excited. I ran to tell my mom, and she hugged me tight. It was sweet, as it should be.
Mama was good! I mean, how many people could take something many women refer to as “the curse” and make it into a blessing? It sounded romantic. It was part of life, and life was beautiful. I never saw it as anything less.
My mother was a beauty, wasn't she? And wise.
Nowadays, the job of educating our children about sexuality is being taken from parents and given to others. I am concerned. Sexuality is an intimate and beautiful thing. But for years, people have been making it into something else. No longer special, sex has become a casual act, often vulgar and crude.
It seems that more important than physical health, honesty and normalcy these days is Political Correctness: Not Offending Anyone, Ever. (Well, that doesn’t include everyone, like people with traditional lifestyles or values.) Homosexuality is at the top of the list of the Politically Protected. Homosexuality, along with other non-traditional ideas, is being introduced to children as young as kindergarten, through books and other materials. And according to a recent report, this new sexual education format is confusing to many young children. Some kids are concluding that since their best friends are the same sex as them, it must mean that they are all gay.
Regardless of how you view homosexuality, you will surely agree that if your child is not homosexual at age 4 or 6, you will not want him or her to adopt homosexuality simply because of confusion from a poorly taught class on family and sexuality. I see several problems with this agenda:
1. These concepts are being taught to increasingly younger children, who may not be mature enough or emotionally ready to understand diverse sexual concepts, such as homosexuality or promiscuity.
2. They teach sex education in the classroom setting, with both sexes of children. (This is to help children to “not be embarrassed” in front of the opposite sex, but my kids tell me that this just discouraged them from asking questions at all.)
3. Classrooms are not like home. There are no private times when it would be appropriate to answer individual questions of a personal nature. Even if a private moment for questions were available, teachers are not always “safe”. They aren’t the people responsible for the child’s welfare. That job belongs to the parents.
4. Nope, teachers are not the family. They do not know their students as well as most parents know their children. They do not love the children as the parents do. (Unfortunately, not all parents are good parents, but schools and teachers aren’t able to replace inadequacies in the home.)
I’m not saying every school does a bad job or every parent does a good job. But it is and should be the parent’s job to teach his or her children about sexuality. Now a couple of questions to parents who are relieved to have the schools take over this difficult task: Would you leave sexual education of your child up to the stranger down the street? Then why would you leave it up to a school teacher that you hardly know? Do you want your children to have your personal values about sex and family? Why do you think the schools know more about what’s good for your children than you do?
A few quick tips on talking to your children:
1. Get a right attitude. Who is better able to talk to your own kid about sex? Admit it. You know something about sex...probably quite a bit. You want your child to understand from your personal point of view. You can talk to your kid about it.
2. Let your children know that they can talk to you about anything. No matter what your kid's age, you need to let them know that if they ever have a question, any question, they can come to you. You will not judge them. You won't laugh at them (in a ridiculing way). You will not be afraid of any question, because life is complicated and full of crazy questions. Sometimes those questions may make you blush. That's okay. Blushing is permitted.
3. Consider the individual personalities of each child. Some kids are open and communicative, like one of my sons who had a gift for intimate questions. Others are private and struggle with communication. Accept that, and realize that they may choose not to share their secrets with you. That's okay. But let them know that your door is always open.
4. Earn their trust. If you are a critical, judgmental parent, your child will not feel safe talking to you about things that you may disapprove of. Correct, but don't criticize. (I'm not saying its easy!) Never call them lazy or bad. Teach them that mistakes are learning experiences. They are part of being human. Life still exists after mistakes.
5. Be unashamed. Kings and Queens have sex. Movie stars get constipated. Doctors go to the doctor. Preachers have bad thoughts that they have to reign in. Kids are curious. If we don't know the answer, we know how to look it up.
6. Believe in yourself. You are the parent. You are the one who is emotionally, financially and legally responsible for your child's care for 18 to 26 years of age, depending to the schooling arangement. You have the right to teach them your values. As a matter of fact, you not only have the right, but it’s your responsibility. Your honor.
7. Start today. Sit down with your children as soon as possible, and tell them you love them enough to be able to answer their questions, whatever they are. You will love them forever, no matter what. They are good, even if they have thoughts that aren’t good. Then brace yourself...it's coming!
8. Pray with them. Pray for them. Bless them.
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